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  1. first post

    Ooh, you may notice this blog thing wasn't here before. Big whoop. It's actually kind of nifty. I thought having the word "blog" in the corner like that was distracting and detracted from the design, so I made it only flash if there's a new entry since your last visit. Otherwise it's very discreet.

    I put this here because I decided I'd like to be able to sound off on undefined. It is my undefined site, so I might as well make it somewhat undefined. My life isn't particularly exciting or special. I don't see why anyone should be too interested in what I have to say, but that's not gonna stop me.

    Anyway, here's what I have to say: I'm somewhat pissed off. I got in last night after a really relaxing hang-out session to find a note reading *"Go to Hell Henriquez"* shoved under my door. I'm not as upset about someone in these dorms hating me as I am about the fact that somewhere near me lurks a pitiful coward who lacks the balls to confront me face to face. This person is a pathetic waste of organic material and a blight upon humanity. At this point, whoever is responsible for this act of cowardice would be wise to remain in hiding, because if I ever find out who did it, I WILL undefined

    That's all. Thank you for your time.

    Posted 2004-05-15 00:00:00 PST by henriquez.

    32 Comments

    In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston ate four dozen eggs daily when he was a child. That’s fourty-eight eggs a day. As an adult he adds another dozen, tallying up to sixty eggs a day. This is nothing short of genocide.

    My theory for why Gaston is beloved by the townsfolk is that some time prior to the start of the movie, France was overrun with poultry. Helpless at the claws of the chickens, the people of France were preparing to abandon their country, when a lone child stepped forward. “I’ll eat the eggs”, a young Gaston bellowed, “And I will save our homeland”. And so it was, Gaston ate and ate until he was roughly the size of a barge. How the cholesterol didn’t kill him can only be attributed to his inhuman fortitude. This is where the story turns tragic.

    What Gaston hadn’t accounted for was developing an addiction to the eggs. As he aged, he ate more and more, and with the chicken-crisis over, his addiction began costing him financially. There’s a scene during Gaston’s song where he motions to a wall full of his hunting trophies. But why are they there? Does he own the bar? No, he sold them for egg money. The fact he never brings up his egg addiction or his prior heroism can be attributed to another one of Gaston’s defining character traits: his struggle to be emotionally open, and his modesty. It’s not easy being the man who saved France.

    I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. See, Gaston seems brutish, but remember - his entire childhood was spent eating eggs. He didn’t have time for an education; he sacrificed his upbringing for his countrymen. He can’t even hold a book correctly. What Gaston wants to say, what he’s struggling to articulate, is “Belle, I’m dying. A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered”. Belle cruelly mocks him, which goes to make you wonder who the real beast is.

    When Gaston sees the Beast in the mirror, two thoughts run through his head. First, he sees his countrymen in danger once more, and despite being riddled with egg-tumors, wants to lead the masses to one last charge of glory since fighting for France is all he knows. Second, he realizes Beast’s head is about a month’s worth of egg-money. So he sieges the castle, and in one of Disney’s most tragic moments, plummets to his death.

    Another reason Gaston wants to marry Belle is because, as mentioned above, all he knows how to do is to fight for France and its people. Gaston saw Maurice as a genuine danger, and he’s not wrong; consider the hellish contraption Maurice created. One look at that war machine and Gaston hatched a plan; marry Belle, and get close enough to Maurice to talk him down. Mind you, he did love Belle, and wanted to be the father of her children, but the danger presented by Maurice forced his plan into action immediately. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). All in all, the failure was one of articulation.

    Gaston is the protagonist of Beauty and the Beast.

    After a week of holding, the prices are spiking just as they did every day before. This Friday feels like the beginning of your life. Yesterday the Melvin and CNBC offices were raided for market manipulation. Cramer left those losers and decided to like stocks.

    Yesterday you convinced your mom to buy $GME too, and you're excited for her happy retirement.

    You feel a little faint, and take a moment to reflect. When you close your eyes, the gates of Valhǫll reveal themselves to you. You enter. There are enormous, armor-clad women with huge breastplates emblazoned with $GME.

    Standing in the back, gazing at you approvingly, are Ryan Cohen, DFV, Cramer, Elizabeth Warren, and Chamath. Also that weird rabbit mascot gamestop had when we were kids.

    All around you is the sound of analogue Gamecube controllers, mid 2000s macho video game commercials, and wives leaving their boyfriends for their husband.

    You look down and realize that you, too, are giant. At this point you realize, the floors are made of xbox 360 cases. You look up. The ceiling is PS5s -- but unlike the mortals, they aren't out of reach to you. They are yours. Your power is endless. This isn't Valhǫll -- this is Power to the Players.

    You open your eyes, and your shares are suspended before you with a "sell" button and a value of $6904.20. Not on your phone -- on the very fabric of the universe. This is your moment. You look down and say "No, I like the stock💎🙌" and you ascend to godhood. Now your wife has to rub your girlfriend's feet.

    That is what we are waiting for. We are still on the mortal plane, but that will not last forever. What will last forever are our deeds, and our 💎🙌

    Not financial advice, but this is spiritual advice. $GMEhalla is my religion and this is a blog post to make my friends laugh. This post is the ever-evolving book of $GMEhalla.

    I accept offerings to keep the church of $GMEhalla going in the form of stonks, stocks, stocks people like, tendies, stocks we like, nudes, and replies that include "I appreciate that you are not giving me financial advice."

    I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FUCKING CODE! i just want to download this stupid fucking application and use it

    WHY IS THERE CODE??? MAKE A FUCKING .EXE FILE AND GIVE IT TO ME. these dumbfucks think that everyone is a developer and understands code. well i am not and i don't understand it. I only know to download and install applications. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE CODE? make an EXE file and give it to me. STUPID FUCKING SMELLY NERDS